Saturday, March 30, 2013

1. Forget Expectations- 

I’ll never forget a couple months after we were married, Jeff was working at UPS in the morning and school was out for the Summer. He would wake up at 3am and then come home and go to bed because he was so tired. Well, the good wife that I was, I made a long list of things he could do while I was at work. I’ll never forget my reaction when I came home and found that nothing had been done on my list. That is the moment I realized Jeff isn’t a list person like I am. We are different and it actually works better that way. Now, six years later I have found that Jeff helps out and does more chores than any list I could write up for him, because he wants to help. We’ve come to drop our expectations of household chores for each other. When we see a need, we take care of it. I have a friend that couldn’t believe that I take out the trash sometimes, I told her “well I am the one that wants it taken out, so I do it.” Jeff never expects me to do dishes or laundry. Just like I don’t have the garbage pile up and wait until he takes it out. We share responsibilities by getting things done when there is a need instead of waiting for the other to come around and do it. It works out perfectly for us.

2. Don’t ask friends for marriage advice, go to your husband. 

I can’t tell you how many times I am around people who complain about their spouse. And it makes me sad. If you’re not happy with something, talk to your spouse about it, not others. I learned this the hard way. In the beginning of our marriage I thought “husband bashing” was just a pastime amongst girlfriends. Now, I hold my complaints and disagreements until I can talk about it with Jeff, and him only. It’s so much better this way! Girlfriends always seemed to fuel my fire and get me more upset than I was in the first place. I would go home angry and ready to start an argument because I was right gosh dang-it and all my friends agreed with me too! Keeping your marriage between the two of you brings more happiness and better communication.

3. Don’t depend on your spouse for happiness. 

Say what?! Yeah, that’s right. Jeff makes me happier than I have ever been, but I don’t wake up in the morning wondering what Jeff will do to make me happy that day. At the beginning of our marriage, when Jeff had a bad day, I would get grumpy too. Now, looking back that makes no sense. Instead of helping him feel loved and uplifting him, I would just be mad right along with him. Now, I wake up wondering what I can do to make Jeff happy that day, whatever the day may bring. Jeff frequently tells me, “when you’re happy, I’m happy.” When we look for ways to bring happiness to others we don’t have far to go to feel happy ourselves.

4. Let the little things go. 

Honestly, I’ve always thought our marriage has been pretty good. It wasn’t until we lost our little Boston that our marriage changed dramatically. We wouldn’t wish the loss of a child on our worst enemy, but it has brought us closer together than ever before. Our eternal perspective has been strengthened and we realize that after such a tragedy, that the big problems are really the little things. There is more to life than having the toilet seat left up or the bathroom messy with makeup! Petty arguments seem extra silly when you have an eternal perspective. Maybe that is what has helped us drop our expectations for each other. We both have the same goal- to be happy and stay together forever. Boston has taught us to look at the big picture and we can’t wait to give that boy a hug!

5. Give Service to others (and each other). 

Jeff and I were just talking about this a couple nights ago. I have honestly never met a person that is more service oriented than Jeff. Are you moving? Jeff will help you. Do you need a ride to church? Jeff will pick you up. Are you hungry? Jeff will bring you food for a week. Stranded at the airport? He will be there in a half hour. I have learned from him to put others before myself. While we were talking the other night, I asked him what blessings we have received from giving so much service to others (maybe because I was looking at a service opportunity in a negative way!), and without hesitation he answered, “we’ve got a great marriage!” I had never thought about it like that. When we truly forget ourselves and go to work, our relationships can benefit too. It gives us time away from home to be involved with people who need us and it helps us to feel grateful for what we have to offer and what we have been blessed with.

6. Make your spouse's interests important to you. 

I’ll be the first to admit that my listening skills were almost non-existent in the beginning of our married life. While Jeff would tell me about his day, I was usually just thinking about everything I wanted to tell him about my day once he stopped talking. I would occasionally throw in a “yeah” here and there to make it sound like I was intently listening. Then one day, Jeff said “why do you say ‘yeah’ after some things I say, it drives me crazy.” And then I realized what I was doing- I was disrespecting my husband. I couldn’t even remember what he had just told me two seconds ago. Right then and there, I got my listening ears on. Now, I get off my phone, leave the computer and sit down and look him in the eye and listen to what he wants to tell me. Whether it be about his day or about the latest deal of the day from Best Buy. Listening isn’t the only way we can show our spouses love, but what we do with them and for them can really mean a lot too. Do I really care to play the card game “Magic” with him-not really, but he got me my own deck so we can play together. And we do. Does Jeff really want to sit down and watch “The Vow” for the sixth time? Not at all, but he did buy it for me and he will occasionally sit down and watch it with me! Make life more enjoyable by showing you care about what your spouse cares about. Take time to listen, because we all know family is really spelled T-I-M-E. 

Monday, December 17, 2012

Christmas Thoughts...

It's Christmas time and we have so much to be thankful for. While I am a meticulous planner, I have made an effort to put aside the shopping lists and the gift wrap and take time for our Savior. I think of that small baby lying in a manger, so pure and so innocent and I think of my own son. How I cry at the thought of that little boy growing up to make the greatest sacrifice of all, the very sacrifice that gets me through my daily longing for my own little one who passed on. I think of a baby who grew to lead a life dedicated to love and service. And then I think of my own son who brought so much love into my own life, even if it was for a short while. My love for our Savior grows as I put him at the center of my priorities. This baby boy is the reason we celebrate Christmas and I pray that you can take time to remember what He has done for you. Merry Christmas!

"The Christmases I remember best, the Christmases which touched my heart the most, are Christmases filled with love and giving and the Spirit of the Savior. . . . Bringing the Christmas spirit into our hearts and homes takes conscious effort and planning but can surely be accomplished." -Thomas S. Monson

"While it’s true that we can find materialism and anxiety in Christmas, it is also true that if we have eyes to see, we can experience the powerful message of the birth of the Son of God and feel the hope and peace He brings to the world." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Life Lately...

Life has slowed down a little with being out of school, but somehow we have managed to stay busy. I graduated in May with my bachelor's in Child Development and for a graduation trip we went to Cabo San Lucas with friends. We've had a fun summer and we are looking forward to a relaxing Labor Day up at our family cabin. Enjoy the pics! 

Snorkeling with a motor so you don't have to swim, it just takes you around.
 I love this guy and his smile
 Time for a nap in the sun, Land's End rock where the Sea of Cortez ends and the Pacific Ocean begins.    
 Cabo San Lucas Arch, by Lover's Beach
 Our whole group with Cabo Adventures. Great tour!
Kayaking in the Sea of Cortez
 Our Zipline Crew, CRAZY guys!
 Jeff having fun, 1000 feet in the air
 Smiling, on ground finally!
 Jeff being silly.
 Rock climbing wall
 Don't let the smile fool you, I was scared.
It was all worth it for the views we got. 

 Here is our resort- Hola Grand Faro. It was fabulous with five pools and endless Pina Coloda's.

 Volleyball at the pool
  A pic of our balcony
 Snorkeling at Santa Maria
 Santa Maria beach pic with our great friends we went with- Chad and Maricela

 Before the snorkeling adventure
 Jeff tried out Paddle-boarding, it was a little harder than it looks..
 Chad and Maricela with a great sunset
 Dolphin in the tank
 Snorkel time!
  Cute chicanas
Wannbe Mexican Gangsters

Dear Baby...

Here is a very special letter I wrote last year to my baby boy, just as I found out I was pregnant. I found it as I was going through some things today. I will cherish this forever. My Heavenly Father really has blessed me in my earthly journey. I may not have known the outcome of our little boy at the beginning of my pregnancy, but I am so glad that even then I had a strong testimony of eternal families.

January 26, 2011

Dear Baby-

This week has been an emotional one. I found out on Friday, Jan. 21, 2011 that I was pregnant. I was late and I had been so tired that I decided to take a pregnancy test after coming home early from work. The test came out positive and just to make sure we went to Kaiser to have them do a test and that one came out positive too! I am overwhelmed with so many emotions, mostly scared because of my health issues. I want you to be healthy! I went to the doctor and found out I am 5 weeks and 5 days along. I want the best for you. I want you to know that I love you already and I am worried I won't be a good mom. I also want you to know that you are a miracle from our Heavenly Father. He has blessed us with you and I have faith that He will watch over us. I have a testimony of faith and prayer and I know that my Redeemer lives. He is comforting me every step of the way during this pregnancy and I am so excited to tell you that our family is eternal. We will be forever, so no matter what happens along the way we will be together forever someday. I love you and I will worry about your well being for every minute for the next nine months. I love you little bubble. See you soon, your mom.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

5 Years!

A lot can happen in five years, and it has for us! Jeff and I have been married five years on March 30th. I can hardly believe it. It has been so good and also so challenging with the obstacles we have been faced with as a couple. I can confidently say that we are stronger together today than the day we got married. We are best friends and have learned so much being together.

It all started with a few dates...

 Hangin' out
 Tahoe Day Trip
 Jeff visiting me in Idaho
YSA Temple Trip  

Then he left me for a family vacation to Colorado...

 Then I left him for a semester of college at BYU-Idaho

Then he couldn't live without me, so he put a ring on it! 

Then I had to go buy a pretty new dress...

Then take engagement photos...

And then, get married...

Then go on a relaxing honeymoon after all the exhausting wedding plans...

Then, reality set in and we've had a lot of fun...

 Tahoe 2007
 Shan's Birthday
 Rick and Nicole's Wedding- 2007
 Snowboarding- 2007
 Cabin Trip 2009
 Jason and Paige's Wedding in Napa- 2009
 NYC 2010
 Hawaii 2011
 Graduation 2011
Cruise 2008
 Being silly for JP's wedding- December 2009
 Seattle 2012
 Cruise 2012
Mexico 2012

And we've had some heartbreaks...

 Pregnant May 2011


Life isn't always grins and giggles but having Jeff by my side has been the most amazing experience ever. He makes life easier and more bearable as the hard times come and go. The love and support he gives me is unexplainable. I am so happy we are eternal companions, five years is nothing compared to what we have left. He is a wonderful husband and father with the most compassion I have ever seen. I am one lucky girl.